Best Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah Planning Advice from NJ Experts

3/1/14 - By Rachel Sokol

When a Jewish teenager turns 12 or 13, they’ll sometimes have a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. (‘Bar’ for a Jewish boy; ‘Bat’ for a Jewish girl). A Bar or Bat Mitzvah marks the transition from child to one who makes more mature, adult-like decisions.  Thus, in Jewish tradition, a boy or girl who becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is now morally and ethically responsible for his or her decisions and actions. Sometimes, a celebratory party will follow the ceremony and that party is also called a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Five top-notch New Jersey event planners and party experts weigh in on new trends in Bar/Bat Mitzvahs…and ways to keep the whole family stress-free during this exciting time. And for more party ideas and tips, check out our NJ Kids' Birthday Party Ideas Guide.

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Kathy Goldstein, Founder of Kathy Goldstein Events believes it is never too early to book the date for your teen’s special day. “Since you have a specific date for a bar/bat mitzvah your choices may be limited.  For example, your favorite venue may be booked already or you may want your party following services but the evening is the only time available,” she says. “There are many things you can do well in advance and other things that can wait until six months to a year before.”

Many teens like to have a ‘theme’ to go with their Bar/Bat Mitzvah that matches their personality or career aspirations.

“Many popular themes are: Shopping, Theatrical/Hollywood, Travel, Music, Sports, just to name a few,” says Stacy Lawrence of Make An Impression.

According to event planner Allison Sargent, in New Jersey, when it comes to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah party, “we have really seen a rise in the trend for both boys and girls of a club or lounge theme.”

Need help? Goldstein says it’s “more common than you’d think” for parents to hire an event planner to help with logistics. “Without an event planner, you may easily feel overwhelmed because you have so many party options…” she says. “DJ, party favors, asking if you overpaid…hiring an event planner takes the stress out of planning your Bar/Bat Mitzvah.”

Lawrence agrees. “A party planner has many contacts and has worked with vendors that have good reputations, do quality work and can be trusted,” she says. “The party planner has done the research for you.”

Jennifer Kraft of Kraft Event Management believes that hiring an event planner is “common for those families that want to ensure that all details are carried out meticulously and thoughtfully.” Additionally, says Kraft, an event planner is also helpful when it comes to negotiating contracts and scope of service for each vendor due to their continuous "buying power." Teens love a good party, but also need the reminder that they’re well, still in middle school. “I always advise my clients to be realistic with their children from the start in terms of what fits within the family's style and budget,” says Kraft.

Last little nuggets of advice?

- “Breathe,” says Steve Meranus, a Managing Partner for EBE Talent. “With all of the other responsibilities kids have (school, extracurricular activities, Hebrew studies, etc.), it can all seem overwhelming for them and, then by extension, for the parents. Have an open dialogue with them and their Rabbi to help alleviate any fears or apprehensions. And understand that somehow, some way, they all get through it.”

-  “If your Temple allows, I recommend videotaping the service,” says Goldstein. “There is nothing more satisfy than watching the child who begged to study Hebrew actually read from the Torah.”

-  “At the service, make sure that you know all the prayers, so you walk up to the Bimah (platform) with confidence,” says Lawrence. “At the reception, practice the candle lighting speeches* again and again. You do not want to have your child read the speeches like it was the first time he/she has laid eyes on the paper. Once the child is prepared for the ceremony and the reception, he/she is relaxed and can ENJOY the ENTIRE day!”

Editor’s Note: Families celebrate Bar/Bat Mitzvahs in different ways. One of many traditions is for the teen to light candles during the party (usually 12, 13, or 14…) dedicated to family members passed and are still present, and friends, and to recite a speech when doing so, to recognize the role this important person has played in their young lives. It is also tradition for the teen to recite a speech during their formal temple ceremony, acknowledging what it means to them to make more mature, life decisions.